I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
