i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize