How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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