somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
