Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
