You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
