Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
