how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
