I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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