Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
