At least make sure they are 18
Why
barbara walters just said penis...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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