He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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