you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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