Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
