i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Text me some of your sweat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
