Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
