All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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