Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
