yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize