Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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