next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
