Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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