Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
