I wish my penis had an off switch
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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