DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
