I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this just has baby written all over it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
