He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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