I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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