I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
