We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
