Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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