you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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