I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
