she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
