ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
