My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
