The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize