Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
