We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
