he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
