and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize