I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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