Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
