Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
