...so i touched it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize