I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
