we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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