you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
