Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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