i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize