Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
