So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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