I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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