Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
