My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
