what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
