I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
