But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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