too bad you live with your parents still
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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