You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
