and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
