I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
