Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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