omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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