Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize