haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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