oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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