just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
