What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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